Behold, my 1st melodrama

I flunked.

It's k man. Worky work. Fire fighting. Chop chop finish up this then can go for the Missions Xchange thingy @ ACJC. Eh Darren, sorry ah i'll be late. See u at 2.30 instead. Sorry still late, reaching by 3 O'clock.

Is Actuarial for me? Why is it so difficult? Am i just not cut out for this? No way im moving to other depts within the company. Can't see any foreseeable prospects. BREAK BOND! What's the cost involved? $30k compounded with interest. oh must plus the membership and exam fees.

Never a quitter. Be steadfast ... in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain ( Corinthians 15:58). That is if i see actuarial thingy as work in accordance to what God has for me. Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes! (1 Samuel 12:16). Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10a).

God I'm so discouraged. Last nite i told You "whatever". Some delayed reaction. Though much anticipated. Still, it's saddening. I heard Him say, "Daughter, your failure is not fatal."

"I just got my actuarial results today. No good. Fail... oh no!"
"Hey congrats! You're GREAT! ...Thanks. Jiayou next sem k?"
"Hey gal how a y? ... Haiz, nvm, we'll do better next sem."
"From pri sch all the way to jc, never study till so xin1 ku3...Exams fail jio2 yao4 cry ah? It's ok, pple can't be good at everything."

That's abt all the tot processes and dialogue with pple and God i can rem from the whole of yesterday. Yep, flunked my 2 actuarial papers i took in Apr. Tried to take it in my stride. Still, i'm 100% human! Man, without God, i really dunno what to do. At least i can put my hope in Him.

"Huh, u fail? Aiyo... huh i ven't write finish..."

That was my elder bro .. it helps huh? oh well, there is really no way i can study today. hmm, shld i go with eleen gal to go shop shop, or spend the day before service mourning? oh at 3 O'clock still got prayer meeting. oops, i'm supposed to forget that it's on.. oops * 2.

Man... this is really my saddest entry in this blog so far. Lesson to be learnt: PERSEVERANCE and keep on BELIEVING in His POWER.

*i'm sure God is pretty good at actuarial exams :p*

The dry bones come to life!

Last sat's service was just awesome. Everything - worship, sermon, prayer by Ps. Lawrence - flow and God's manifest presence was there. Lynn was just standing, then kneeling there trembling. The dry bones seem to come alive as pastor prophesized over the whole lot of us - just as in the days of Ezekiel.

Indeed, the Word of the Lord is clear: Tap into the SUPERNATURAL (The sermon title). Yeah, Christians are naturally supernatural (A catch-phrase that i learnt from a Charis youth camp). And a few weeks back, i felt God spoke to me that i oughta practise the Holy Spirit, as in work with the Him, seek His counsel and draw strength and wisdom from Him.

You got to there to experience it. One may say: Now the experience is over, what's next? Nah, the service IS over BUT life in the presence of God is not! True enough, God's presence may be felt more evidently during services. But it CAN also be experienced daily in our lives! Wait till i tell of all of them. Walking daily by the Spirit is something that im still learning everyday.. and sometimes it really takes some conscious effort to strain my spiritual ears to hear, heart to feel Him. That's why the Christian walk is a journey.

Above all, God is faithful. Emmanuel (God with us).

Vocal audition

Finally went for the church's audition for the vocalist team. I've waited for abt 1 year man. To serve in the vocalist ministry is one of the items in my New Year Resolutions at the beginning of this year. This desire stems from many years ago when i saw my peers serve the Lord on the platform in Charis. I told God this: Lord i also want to sing for You.

Was a pretty shy, introverted gal with a er ... no professional training in vocals. I tot i sang terribly. But after i prayed that prayer, i gradually find my singing improving. Still, to ask me to sing in front of pple is unthinkable. No way. Period.

So, it's really a personal breakthrough for me that I've gradually overcome my fears of singing to others. To think that i actually participated in my coy's karoke competition - and singing a chinese pop - man, thank God for His grace! And this afternoon, i just sang normally in front of a panel of 3 judges. Compared to the karoke competition, this was MUCH easier. Just sing unto the Lord loh. v easy what. No more trembling of my limbs this time haha :p

Results wise... they will inform me tonite of tmr. All in God's hands. Anyway, ultimately, He's the one doing the recruitment...

ah .... the gal JUST called me! I'm shortlisted! haha... FCBC vocalist team here i come! Be due to go for training @ Believer's Music ... good stuff! Hallelujah!

Death - An end or a beginning?

Went to a friend's grandma funeral today. Another one who doesn't know Jesus. Another one lost. Life is really like a passing mist. We are here all but a moment. Thank God that we are made for Eternity.

Was just joking to my friends:

"Hey next time when it's my turn gimme roses k, no lah, sunflowers better! :p"

"Chey, u wun get to see anyway mah!"

Yes its true, i wun get to see my flowers. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What does count is the "'bouquet of flowers" i'll be getting from my Master, my God.

Actually looking ahead for the day i'll leave this earthly tent, to return to my heavenly home... in the meantime, really try to live my life to the fullest, to the Glory of God.

My 1st week at Corporate Planning

"Wah man ... Actuarial is still better!"

That was my heartfelt exclaimation on my 1st day at my new dept. No more admin aunties to help getting my workstation in order ... and getting small things done like "switching on my pc"...etc. Miss the AT gang downstairs ... the environment and pple i'm familiar with. No wonder they say familiarity breeds affection.

But it's been a week here now. Currently juggling both dept work .. so busy .. but like my colleague said, I ASKED for it. Hopefully can finish up my AT work soon ... CP pple have been pretty fun-loving.

2 things i learned last friday: In CP,

1) When everyone is resting, lynn must also rest with everyone.

2) Workplans and meetings are "immaterial" - just get the end product out.

Interesting pple i met there. Looking forward to learning more.

Hillsongs* @ Festival of Praise 2004

The Festival of Praise welcomes worshippers of Jesus Christ yearly (usu. @ the Indoor Stadium). It's an event of exuberant worship, of basking in the awesome presence of the Almighty God...

Went for the finale session last nite. Man... look at the crowd of ppl fervently worshipping the Lord. I was standing by myself at 1 row behind my friends, cos of space contraint in front. Lotsa space ard me, and I'm given the free space to worship God with no restraint. Dun have to care who's looking, who's ard me. Worship is just between me and Him.

At this song "This Is My Desire", the lyrics goes:

This is my desire to honour You

Lord, with all my heart i worship You

All i have within me, i give You praise

All i that i adore is in You

Lord i give You my heart, i give You my soul

I live for You alone

Every breath that i take, every moment i'm awake

Lord, have Your way in me

I kneeled down before God. Yes Lord, i want so much to honour You in all that i do. Every moment when i'm awake, in my thought life, in my emotions, Jesus have your way in me.

* Hillsongs is a renowed Australian Christian worship band from Hillsongs Church (Australia)

Reef Conservation Project (Johor)

That was during the 2nd last weekend of May. Volunteered my service as a "underwater garbage collector", in response to the beacon of the Johor reef conservationists. It was GREAT FUN! Didn't actually do much in clearing the seabed of its obnoxious "man-made artifacts". Increased my "image vocabulary" of the mystical creatures of "Under the Sea". Sad though, no pictures taken. Takes time to accumulate my diving investment yah? Hmm.. must start calculating the present value and all ("p)

Also, got to better know a friend during the trip. Never yakked so much with him before. This guy is also my dive-buddy, who took great care of this "big fish" diving (or "crashing"???) alongside the nudibranches, sweetlips, barracudas ... sea urchins!!! (thank God no one landed their butts on these!)

I love diving!